A quiet, peaceful event for me this year. The week before Christmas week I had an unexpected day off work so lunched with friends at a new Indian restaurant that just opened downtown. That following weekend, Mother Nature dumped almost two feet of snow on us so I spent parts of three days digging out. It started snowing Friday evening and snowed all day the entire day Saturday – twice Saturday I cleaned the front sidewalks even though it was still snowing—I decided a little bit at a time, two or three times, was better than two feet all at once! This time the logic worked. Even though it snowed all through Saturday night, there wasn’t that much of an added accumulation Sunday morning when I started in again. The hard part was digging my car out of the drifts and out of the muck the snowplow had piled along the driver’s side of the car. With the help of a neighbor, we actually dug not only my car out, but two neighbors’ cars as well! Cooperation is a wonderful thing. That week I happened to be off on that Monday – which was a good thing because it was very difficult still to drive around town. Schools were actually closed all that week leading up to Christmas because of the snow.
Wish I had taken vacation time the entire week—the commute home on Wednesday, Christmas Eve eve, took me two and ½ hours (my usual commute is 1 and ½ hours)! I expected Christmas Eve to be bad but not the day before! Christmas Eve day, I lunched with my friends again – all of whom had the day off of work – at Laila’s, an Afghan restaurant in town that I had not yet had the pleasure to dine in. The food was great and the people were so nice – same as at the new Indian restaurant mentioned above . We exchanged our gifts – good thing it wasn’t too crowded that day – we took up THREE tables – two for us and one for the gifts. Had such a good time. Christmas Day dawned with sleet and freezing rain. I decided I did not need to go anywhere, so stayed in and essentially became a couch potato for the day—it was actually very nice to chill out, watch TV if I wanted or catch up on my reading. I did no work at all – no office work, no housework. It was nice. Saturday, I was invited out for dinner by some friends I don’t see too often to a Japanese steakhouse they enjoy where food is cooked in front of you. Very entertaining and the food was good too! Later that evening, we met some other friends at Hempen Hill BBQ to enjoy The Fox Hunt, a bluegrass band from the local area that we all enjoy. They have been touring the country and have only just come back to their home area—I was eager to see them again—last time was the previous March! HH’s acoustics are not that great, but with this group it didn’t matter – their groupies and friends all showed up anyway. It was a great welcome home for them. I am so happy they are doing so well with their music!
As part of celebrating the holidays, I went with friends to The Full Circle Theatre in Shepherdstown to see a play entitled “Watson and Holmes.” Extremely well done – actors were super! We then went to dinner at Kazu’s, a Thai restaurant. Easy Christmas gifts – I paid for the theatre tickets and dinner. I think they enjoyed the outing and getting together as much as I did and it sure beat buying material things that they might not be able to use or even like!
The New Year was also quiet. The weather was nasty early in the day and called for freezing that evening, so I decided to stay in. The friends who invited me along to Mercersburg for a pub crawl ending with dinner and champagne at Flannery’s said everything up there did freeze and walking was very treacherous. I think I would have been okay in going to the local Hard Times Cafe to catch Stack-O-Blues, but those friends were going to a private party after and I didn’t want to be left in the lurch; I turned them down as well. And, yeah, I fell asleep before the midnight hour, but it must have been a quieter New Year’s eve in my neighborhood as well – the usual firecrackers and gun shots of past New Years’ eves were missing this year and I slept right thru.
I had to work as normal the week between Christmas and New Year’s (don’t usually mind because so many people are on vacation and this is a perfect time to catch up on any backlog and clean out file cabinets and drawers of stuff no longer needed). I did catch up with some friends after work one evening for dinner at the Olive Garden and catching the new Sherlock Holmes movie—yay, Sherlock again. We’re such fans of the sleuth – read all the books, watch all the movies—great stuff!
I had a warm, memorable holiday with the companionship and gathering together of friends and family . These occasions are appreciated and much more personal than any material gift. Plus, right now, I am spending an inordinate amount of time trying to clean out my attic and basement—all those odds and ends that I never got rid of before, I have to now try to decide what to do with. I certainly don’t need any more “odds and ends” to add to the chore! And, besides, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if they found out I passed on a gift that someone gave me, or sold it at a flea market, or just plain trashed it because I could no longer give it a home. This sort of cleaning can be very emotional—but the space gained is very satisfying!
So, pressing onward into 2010; yes, I have made resolutions and have set goals for this new year. Realistic, obtainable ones, I think.
Best wishes and Happy New Year to you and your families – I hope it’s a year that is rewarding and fulfilling of all your hopes and dreams. Take care.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
As Time Went On....
After graduating from high school, I entered a business college in a city about two hours’ drive from my small town. At first, I roomed in the local YWCA – my mother, somehow, found money to pay for my room (by the week) and give me some extra for food. If I were careful, I could make it last until my next allowance. (I have no idea how she did this – she was a miracle worker! By this time my father had been dead for eight years and Mother raised the three of us on his social security benefits.) I was able to find a part time job to help out around Christmas time. Another source of income was when we volunteered to be guinea pigs for the local Menninger Foundation – taking part in whatever study they happened to be doing at the moment. Once volunteered for a project, we couldn’t volunteer again until they started a new project, so these opportunities were few and far between. The college provided leads and contacts for jobs after graduation. Most of us who really needed jobs were able to find them – some went on to take civil service tests and work for the government, others found jobs in the private sector. I found an administrative job for the state at the local state mental institution . I changed jobs a few times, rooming with other girls I had gone to college with to make ends meet. Then I met a guy – we got married – and we moved halfway across the country. Up to this point I had been able to go home every Christmas – not so any longer. We made a trip back home for the holidays about once every five years (we still didn’t have much money) and within the first six years of our marriage we had our two sons. I would decorate like a mad person and I can’t believe how organized I was! Since I had to mail packages back home, I shopped early, mailed over the Thanksgiving Holiday, got my cards addressed and mailed by the first week in December, and was able to sit back and just do things for the kids. Sounds like it should have been a good time....and if it weren’t for my husband, it might have been so. I never heard the stories about how he was raised or what made him so unhappy and sad about the holidays, but his somber mood was catching. By the time the holiday actually rolled around, I couldn’t wait to rip down the decorations and pack everything away out of sight until the next year when I had to do it all over again. I’m not sure, but I don’t think the children were observant of his behavior – to this day, I haven’t heard either of them say anything about it.
As things happen, one year a couple of months before the holidays, we split. Over the years, he became indifferent said he needed his social life – meaning hanging around the bars downtown and only coming home when they closed and there was nowhere else to go. I was the one who did the housework, the yardwork, the bill paying, the grocery shopping, the chauffering – you name it. I once read an article in Dear Abby or Ann Landers, don’t remember which, that was right on – if you and your husband become emotionally separated, pretend you are a widow and go on and live your own life as though he were no longer around. I did this. Somehow, I was able to enroll in the community college and take classes while at the same time becoming a Den Mother for my son’s cub scout pack and attending the Scout Council meetings. I went to the PTA meetings and class plays. I planned each weekend to take the boys and their friends somewhere – one of the Civil War battlefields, hiking in the Appalachians, playing in a creek we found that had some awesome waterfalls and rocks to slide on, to the park, library and movies. All the time I held down a fulltime job. The more I planned activities for the three of us, the less dependent I became on him. Finally, I knew that I could be independent, that I could function on my own, that I could stand on my own two feet! Good thing too – because he finally dropped the bomb and told me to move out of the house! I was fortunate and found a studio apartment created out of an attic space within a couple of weeks. All I took were my clothes.
The boys came to visit me each Christmas, so I made an effort to decorate this one-room space for the holidays and cook a real holiday dinner just like I always did. They were always quiet affairs, and we all knew we’d never be a family of four again.
As time went on, my jobs changed a couple of more times, I landed a job with more potential and a lot more pay and benefits. I was able to rent a real apartment! My ex by this time had found another woman, had paid for the divorce (since I wouldn’t pay for it because I had no intention of ever remarrying) and gotten married. He also moved to another area and the boys didn’t want to move with him so they were able now to move back in with me. The three of us were a family again and I became a fulltime mother again, not just one for the holidays but for all year around!
Three years’ ago my oldest son, who still lived with me, died of a head injury from a fall. My youngest son had by this time already bought his own house and also now has a 'significant other'. The holidays have once again become lonely and sad. I have company, I go places, I look at the lights, listen to the music...but holidays for me have changed--it isn’t the same when you lose someone so close for forever, especially your child.
As things happen, one year a couple of months before the holidays, we split. Over the years, he became indifferent said he needed his social life – meaning hanging around the bars downtown and only coming home when they closed and there was nowhere else to go. I was the one who did the housework, the yardwork, the bill paying, the grocery shopping, the chauffering – you name it. I once read an article in Dear Abby or Ann Landers, don’t remember which, that was right on – if you and your husband become emotionally separated, pretend you are a widow and go on and live your own life as though he were no longer around. I did this. Somehow, I was able to enroll in the community college and take classes while at the same time becoming a Den Mother for my son’s cub scout pack and attending the Scout Council meetings. I went to the PTA meetings and class plays. I planned each weekend to take the boys and their friends somewhere – one of the Civil War battlefields, hiking in the Appalachians, playing in a creek we found that had some awesome waterfalls and rocks to slide on, to the park, library and movies. All the time I held down a fulltime job. The more I planned activities for the three of us, the less dependent I became on him. Finally, I knew that I could be independent, that I could function on my own, that I could stand on my own two feet! Good thing too – because he finally dropped the bomb and told me to move out of the house! I was fortunate and found a studio apartment created out of an attic space within a couple of weeks. All I took were my clothes.
The boys came to visit me each Christmas, so I made an effort to decorate this one-room space for the holidays and cook a real holiday dinner just like I always did. They were always quiet affairs, and we all knew we’d never be a family of four again.
As time went on, my jobs changed a couple of more times, I landed a job with more potential and a lot more pay and benefits. I was able to rent a real apartment! My ex by this time had found another woman, had paid for the divorce (since I wouldn’t pay for it because I had no intention of ever remarrying) and gotten married. He also moved to another area and the boys didn’t want to move with him so they were able now to move back in with me. The three of us were a family again and I became a fulltime mother again, not just one for the holidays but for all year around!
Three years’ ago my oldest son, who still lived with me, died of a head injury from a fall. My youngest son had by this time already bought his own house and also now has a 'significant other'. The holidays have once again become lonely and sad. I have company, I go places, I look at the lights, listen to the music...but holidays for me have changed--it isn’t the same when you lose someone so close for forever, especially your child.
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